i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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