And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
