Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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