two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
