apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
