just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You were trust falling into bushes
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
