I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
