after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
