we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
