You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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