I faked an abortion last night.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize