her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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