I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
