She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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