I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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