I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've blown a few things in my day
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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