I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
