peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We have started to decorate penises.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
