I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
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I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
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I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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