I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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