i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
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There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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