Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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