the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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