It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
