Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
