Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
