Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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