he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
