i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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