There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
