It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
