Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
