I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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