some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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