So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
