I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
