Midget sex pt 2 tonight
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
