If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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