What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
