She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
