Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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