He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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