if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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