Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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