And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
