All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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