My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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