I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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