Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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