Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
