the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
