Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
