smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
