I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
