Who wears a wallet chain?!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize