maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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