I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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