You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
