I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
