just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
