All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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