"it" just moved
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
