Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
