No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
