How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
