I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Less talking, more tequila
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
