haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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