I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sorry about my life...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
