i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
