We named our party play list daddy issues
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
