hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
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But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
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I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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