What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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