but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
