Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless