you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
