hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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