dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
