I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
