:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize