her vagine was all disorganized.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
