and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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