I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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